Hey you! Get back up! HE HAS PLANS FOR YOU!

We often have this fairy tale Christian belief that once we accept Jesus Christ as our own that all is new and we now will skip off like Alice in Wonderland once she climbs out of that rabbit hole and we will know who we are and we will live happily ever after.   Love will not hurt.  Relationships will not fail.  Bank accounts will automatically prosper.  Kids will never get on our nerves, they are perfect behaving beings and may our language never be that of a trucker or a sailor.  Well, let me go a head and break the news to you Sunshine, hard times are going to still happen.  Kids will still drive you almost to the point of hitting the bottle, though I highly recommend you don't do that but yet you turn to God.  But let's be honest.  Jobs will be lost.  (Raises hand!!  Ask me!  I know.  Got hit like a ton of bricks at 42 years of age when we already lived from pay check to pay check).  Relationships can fail.  I pray they don't.  I pray you are are strong enough to turn to God and and fully rely on him to speak things back into existence.  As brothers and sisters in Christ we have to be honest through.   Pain is pain.  I consider myself to be one of the strong Christians, a warrior.  The one people call on when prayer is needed.  I pray every day more than I talk to most people.  I dive into the word of God more than I watch tv or socialize now.  I am not better than anyone else.  We all are capable of the exact same thing.  It is on us on how much time we choose to give him.

If you are new to Christ or restarting a relationship with him, I am reminding you do not give up when obstacles pop up.  I am here to remind you once again,  the stronger you get in him, the more Satan will come at you.  The more your past will haunt you.  I remind you again,  you must tell Satan and your past they have NO ROOM IN YOU NOW.  They are your past for a reason and not who you are TODAY.

God made us new.  People will say, You have changed.  You have and Praise God you have.  Because if you hadn't, you would be stuck in the same rut.  People who constantly sit around and bash who you are now, are dealing with their own issues and I want you to do something bold.  I want you to pray for them.  They are hurting.  Your changes would not faze them unless it stirred something in themselves that was hurting them inside.  Pray hard for them.   They are in pain.  Pray that God moves the pain and shows them what is hurting them on the inside and the Holy Spirit moves in them and deals with the pain trapped in them that causes them to think that it is your Christianity that is causing the problem.

Face each day with a new hope and prayer.  Face it with God.  Tell God,  Cry out to God, Great are you Lord.  I am NOTHING without you Lord and no matter what I face I know I can and will make it with you.

Know when I write these blogs, they are for me too.  I have battle the sames things I write about only I pray to him and ask God, "what am I going through that can help someone else??"   He leads me to write these blogs and I will continue to do so as long as he tells me too.   Today I wanted to have a pity party as I realized my bank account didn't have enough in it for what I needed from the store, but I am ok.  I am alive.  I can breath.  My kids are not hungry. I have a roof.  I have heat.  I have lights.  I just have to keep moving and know God will take care of me and my family.

Forgive. Even when you don't want to. You have to. The End.

Hard couple of weeks.  I've been hurt to the point it feels like a death.  Words have been said that I am not sure can ever be recovered.  By both sides.   The most painful thing I have felt is my faith being questioned but I failed the test.  I let the words get to me and I lashed out.  In order to move forward,  I have to forgive all who spoke them.  Forgive myself for lashing out.  Forgive the anger in my heart.  Forgive the words I never even said because those words are just as bad as if the human ears had heard them or if my mouth had spoken them.  The heart is a funny thing.  When it is truly hurt and damaged it retreats to dark places, childlike places where every hurt we ever felt comes flooding back like a river of pins and needles and can make you feel so unloved and useless.  True hurt is sincerely like a death because it feels like we don't know if we can come back from it.

I prayed today with several people.  Here is what I know.  I can't hold on to hurt.  It is like hate.  It eats at you and nothing good comes from it.  I am telling you that if you are hurt by someone even if they are not sorry you have to let it go TODAY.   Not tomorrow, Not next week, ot next week.  TODAY.  It is like a cancer eating you and you will not and can not grow spiritually through Christ with it in you.  So, no matter who was right or wrong, it is your job to let it go today.   Release it.  Tell God you it release to him right now.  Tell him you are wrong for holding on to it.   You love him more than proving you are right or wrong in an argument.  Christ our Father must come above all and yes, that even means saying you are wrong if you feel you are not just to let it go!

It is unhealthy spiritually.  Our job is to put Him above all and we can't do that if we are going back and forth with people over things, that in the end are not going to matter anyway.

My life is at a uncertain point right now.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  Financially or anything.  But what I do know, Christ Jesus will be there.  No matter if I have to move.  He will make sure my kids are fed somehow.  I know my God will not let me or my family fall.  I believe and am speaking it into existence right now that a job will call me tomorrow.  I am speaking life into that my husband will not lose the medications he needs to live and the ones he needs.  I am speaking life into that every need my family needs will be met this week.  The bible promises me that every mountain I face shall be moved because I have the power to say to it be moved.   Well, I am telling you, I am speaking life into it and it shall be moved.  Mountains shall be moved and because I forgive and have been forgiven BIG things are going to move THIS week for my family.

I pray big things for you if you are facing things in your life too.  Remember, SPEAK IT!!  My grandma Susie always said, "Name it and Claim it baby".  Well, In Jesus name, this is your time, this is my time and in Jesus name, I name it and claim it!   Facing a mountain???  Where??   We are a child of God Almighty! You tell that mountain BE MOVED and it SHALL BE MOVED!!

Come back Roaring Like a Lion

 I read my bible, this verse got me today.  "My Grace is Sufficient for you, My power is perfected in weakness....".   Nothing could have jumped out at me more this week.  Everyone is going through something.  It's not about me.  It's not about you.  It's about us.  We all are facing something.   Heartache,  Emptiness.  Joblessness.  Someone has thought about taking their life out there right now reading this.  They have thought this world would not even miss them.  I am here to tell  you your God does not want that and there are people that love you.  So what if someone you loved turned their back.  It is not and will not be the end of the world.  So what if you got laid off.  Someone you loved broke up with you?  Guess what?  Something bigger is coming your way if you keep your faith and keep your head up.  Dive into the word of God and turn that heartache into a testimony.  No one or nothing materialistic means more than your God does.  Nothing is bigger than the love he has for you.  We can lose every single material possession we have and yes it is hard and yes it hurts but we have to hold our head high and know with all we are as Christians he loves us and has bigger plans for us.

Again, I have always said I will be honest with you because I can not help people by lying.  There have been times when Satan has made me feel so unloved and filled with anxiety that I have begged God to give me a pass.  Let me die.  IF you will give me a pass and let me leave this world, I will go because I am not loved here and I don't know the answers and I am scared of what tomorrow will bring and I can't handle this anymore.  I don't know how to take care of someone that has the issues I am facing.  I am having my own issues now from stress.  Please God.  Give me a way out.  The holy spirit plainly told me I knew better and there was no such thing as pass for me because I was in my right mind to know that I had 2 children who would forever hurt and that I loved them and how would that be explained.   I told him I knew that but the pain was so intense I didn't know any other way out.  He said, there is no way "out" but there is a way "through" it and it is " through me".   I knew I would never do what went through my head but I am just letting you know that when you reach the depths of depression and self hate and anxiety where Satan will drag you, he will make irrational things go through your head that you know are wrong.  I would never kill my self because I now.  I am better and I have 2 kids I have to raise.  But I have friends who have and I hurt that they took that route.  I talk to you about it because it is important to know just how low a person can get and not a soul around them will know.  Please know this was this hardest thing to ever write but when the Holy Spirit told me I would write this blog, Mental Health Awareness was always going to be a big part of this blog.  I know that 1 in 3 people suffer from it so I know I am not the first one that thought these kind of thoughts I may just be one of the few willing to put it on blast in order to help someone else.  I am not in this position now and even though I suffer from anxiety and depression from time to time, this is something I do not suffer from any longer.  But I am not going to fake my life or leave out parts that I feel could help heal someone else.

I want you to understand it doesn't even have to get that bad.  It could just be as simple as self hate.  Depression.  Not wanting to go out.  Satan letting you get hurt by others and instead of you being Christ like, you lashing back out.   That 's not a good place to be either.   I've been guilty of this recently.  It is because the stronger I get in Christ the stronger I get back lash from people calling me out on every mistake I make and pointing fingers, "see that fake Christian"  instead of lashing out,  I have to back down. Satan sends people to say things like this cause he wants you to lash out.  But who are you lashing out to?  Look at who says them. I must not be angered.  I must pray and be more like him.  Instead of letting people call me names who don't even crack the bible open affect me.  I must stand up, hold my head up and know who I am in Christ and Roar like a lion.  Know that I am the daughter of the one true King.  I am untouchable to people that want to cause me harm because he says so.  That which is out to harm me I can rebuke it,  NOT JOIN IN ON IT.  SO CAN YOU!!!!

I am telling you,  anything that is out to interfere with your life or cause you harm you can rebuke it in the name of Jesus right now. We forget our power.  Because we let Satan beat us down.  We are not a little lamb Satan can kick around.  We are a Lion that can Roar and stand strong on the word of God and and his promises and know we will be taken care of.  Every morning before you get out of that bed, you thank Your God and you tell him, "I am going to be a Lion for you today and I am going to Roar and will not bow down before NO ONE but YOU LORD!"

Christians are not Perfect, nor do we pretend to be.

I once googled a church to go to.  I contacted the Pastor.  His name was Bob.  I said, "I want to come and visit your church but I don't know if I am really the right fit.  I'm really broken.  I am saved but I feel lost.  You probably don't want me there.   I cuss a little.  Well, maybe more like a trucker.  I have tattoo's.  I don't own a dress.  I hurt on the inside a lot and just don't tell people.  My husband can't come and that's a long story.".  Pastor Bob said, "Well, we prefer honest people and we don't wear mask, so I think you'd be a good fit. I'll tell you something, I have a tattoo and I'll be wearing Jeans."   Well,  I'll come.  But I still don't think I'll be  a good fit.  I am angry at a lot of things.  But I think my boys need to be there.

That was over 2 years ago.  I walked in and I knew this place was different.  I knew I didn't have to keep secrets anymore.  I knew I had a place where I didn't have to hide words like Mental illness.  I knew I didn't have to hid the fact I was angry over being a secret caregiver and feeling no one cared except for the one person in this whole world I could turn to, my sister.  I had people I could confide in without judgement.  I could tell them some days I hate life.  Some days I want to cry.  Some days I want to scream, Some days I just want answers.   Some days I am sick of hearing med changes.  Some days I am sick of making people in life  laugh and making it seems like life is ok when my life is not ok.  I am scared of what will happen to him if the medicines stop working.

His illness has brought me massive anxiety.  Depression.  The inability to handle other outside changes that come too quick at once when I am dealing with his.   This is where my faith in God has come into play.  It has literally saved my life.   So when people question it, make fun of it or go on rants that literally tear me to shreds telling me what a joke I am for being a Christian, I have to sit back and think, "Man, you have to clue."  This has what has kept me alive.   It's not a church building.  It is a personal relationship with God that I know I can turn to.  As I get ripped to shreds by someone that has no clue about me I often wonder have they ever had a one on one experience with God because if they had, how could they rip someone so harshly.  I especially wonder when they say, "you act so different in front of your church people" yet, they have not once seen me interact in the church, heard me speak in front of the church nor have they seen me in my outreach group.  Because what they would fine is the same me that they know.  Sure, I cuss less now.  And maybe I don't cuss when I am praying.  I don't get as angry.  I still get angry.  I still get hurt.  I still cry.  I still don't understand.  I still feel feelings.  We are still human.  I just try harder to reach people who I think have been through what I have been through and think I can help them.   I am still and always will be a sinner.  We all are.   We just work harder at talking to God and figuring out why we let people like that get to us.  By the way,  my husband is doing better at this point than he has in some time and has been taken off a lot of horrible medications that changed who he was.  I could not be more proud.  Please pray for our marriage as it all has taken a toll on our marriage.

My God is so merciful.  More merciful than I ever deserve.   But that is just it.  He is merciful.  It's it up to him, Not any hate spewing man who just wants to hurt me and scar me and try to hurt me a bout being a Christian.  You don't get that choice.  I've blocked your hate.  Your words mean nothing because in the end, only Jesus Christ Promises matter.

Tired of running? Let me tell you where to find comfort.

Someone this morning is hurting.  Running.  Running from the same battle you have been running from for a long time.  You know the answer, you just don't know how to ask for the the solution. It's simple really.  Pull the covers off your head.  Dry your eyes.  Get out of that bed.  Get on your knees.  You know that pulling you keep feeling?  The one that won't go away and you keep fighting.  That is your answer.   It is the one and only Holy Spirit tell you, "Child, come to me."  God will take that hurt.  You feel that burn?  No, not those tears.  That inner burn that won't go away?  It is the pull of your Redeemer waiting on you to call on him.  He will not pull you out of bed.  You must call out to him.

This Thanksgiving today why not make it today. If it be depression, addiction, heartache, anxiety, a problem you think you can't dig your way out of, why not today be the day you stand up out of that bed and kneel down?  Here is what you do.  Read this blog word for word,   "Heavenly Father, I am a mess.  I feel you there though.  I need you.  I know your word says If I call on you and ask you into my heart you will be there.  Please God,  I need you.  I am asking you to please wipe my slate clean.  Forgive me for my sins and transgressions.  I asked you even forgive me for the sins I didn't even know I committed God.  I am nothing without you.  What I have or don't have is NOTHING without out you.  Please God, come into my heart.  From this day forward I want to live for you.  Show me Lord.  Light a fire in me to want to live every single day till the day I die for you.  Use me big Lord whatever that means!   Lord if you find me worthy, teach me that I am worthy to live for you.  I want to live a life leading others to you.  Please God, right now, this moment, lift me out of this darkness and let me see your eternal light.  I love you and need you."

It is as simple as that little lamb. You say those words, mean them, change your circle and you will be a lion for Jesus that will transform not only your life but the lives of many!!   Do it today.  Tomorrow is never promised.  Take that leap of faith.  You will be surround by a family of followers and will not be alone.  Plus in him, you will never be alone.   Your chains will be broken and you will be free.  Hard days will come but you fall into the word every single time it gets hard and don't stray from that and you will get stronger every single day.  Believe me.  The retirement plan is out of this world my brother and sisters.  Do it today!  It 's better than another day suffering, hiding, hurting under those blankets in a world of fake friends and the devil telling you you'll make it.

Could you use FREE PRAYER? Do you usually charge? No. But I got your attention.

When the Hope for the City Outreach started I had no clue what I was doing.  I would asked them as I was trained, did you receive your free bag of groceries?  Then I would nervously ask, would you like your Free prayer?  I would get the strangest looks,but most of the time, they would say yes and  need it.  The more we did it, the more comfortable I became with it.  In fact, the more it helped me become the warrior I am today with prayer.  I remember in the beginning I prayed quick and my voice cracked.  The more I prayed the better I got.  The more I prayed, the more I wanted to pray at home.  The more I prayed the more I wanted to dive into the word of God.  I realized if I were going to spend my life reaching out to people who felt as broken as I felt, I needed to know more than I did. As I mentioned in the past, I struggle daily with wondering why God would pick me to be used to lead people when I am so far from what I see as a leader.  But what I did know is I had a fire inside for God.  I knew that his word was true.  I felt the Holy Spirit lead me to people and tell me things that only he knew.  I struggled and still do struggle with why broken me,but when I do I have to go alone into my prayer time and literally power up and tell Satan to stand down and put my shield up.  Shield up is when I my open Bible and  I dive into the word and I pray, and when I pray I shut every negative person out, every hurtful comment out,every rude and gash to my heart must be shut down.  That is why some days I am unable to blog.  Because some days I am weak.  Life breaks me down.  Tonight I have spent in prayer.  Reading his word.  Processing his promises.  Processing my broken heart.  Remember that my 15 year old saying, "Mom, you said this is what God put you here for and this is what your promise to God is.  You can't stop now.  No matter what heartache you feel now"

Out of the mouths of babes.  Last night, being the leader of the Hope for the City Out Reach.  I told them life had beat me up the last 2 weeks.  I can't possibly keep my commitment of the grocery outreach.  Which is not like me.  I always keep my promises to our people.  It is my life and my love.  It is the joy that brings so many hope and we literally see God's work being done.  My Pastor and our people said, NO.  You have to push through.  This is not like you.  You see, I will not hide nothing from you be it easy or not embarrassing or not.  I was having a pity party for one.  The week before my husband who is on disability for now (speaking it into existence that changes soon!!) his amount of money changed.  I had got hit with one thing after another.  Monday, I lost my job, first time in my life and I am scared   I felt my entire world crash around me because of things in my control and some out of my control.  I was (am at time still) hurt and angry.  I am human.  I  make mistakes.  A child of God is at fault just as much as one that is not a daughter of the one true king.  My mind was and is all over the place with fear.  But I prayed.  I stayed strong on my God's word.  He is my everlasting truth.  He is my almighty.  He is and always will my forever King.  My friend.  My father.  My redeemer.  I will stand on his word when everything thing else around me has crumbled to the ground or I am standing on sinking sand because he is the great I AM. Basically I had to cancel my pity party for 1 had to be cancelled even if I wanted to stop my feet, be angry and have it anyway.

In the cold of the night, we loaded the vehicles with bags of donated groceries.  Tierre, Rachel, Peggy, Lynn and my children, CJ and Benjamin.  We headed to the only section 8 apartment complex apartments in this county.  Before you rush to judgments you may or may not understand, I would like you to understand these people are poor but it doesn't mean they don't work.  Many are on disability or they work but make minimum wage and have children.  By the time we show up on 24th of the month, there is way more month than there is food!  Believe me on a cold night those groceries are a much needed site.   We stand in the cold and hold hands.  "God our Father, we give you all the honor, Praise and Glory. Please God, guide up to the apartments that only YOU know where we are needed the most".  You see, that is my favorite part.  There are 100's of apartments there but He leads us just where we are needed.  It is amazing.  We have people fall into our arms.  How did we know? DO you need prayer?  Yes!!  We join hands and our Warriors go to work and that is where the real work begins!  "Father God, let her know you love her, let her know she is not alone.  Let her know of your love and let her know we love her too.  We ask of your hand of protection to surround her and her children. Whatever their need is Father, We ask it be MET TODAY!!!  NOT NEXT MONTH, NOT NEXT WEEK BUT TODAY!!".   I hear many prayers being said on these nights.  I hand out more hugs than I can't count.  The teams are amazing.  The people we meet are amazing.  They take down our numbers.  They need help with Doctor's, Christmas, whatever, we help them find it.  We don't know the answers but we pray and trust God to help us find it.

There is so much more to this cold night than a bag a groceries. I asked you all start an outreach in your own community and look for the people behind those apartment doors that feel lost, forgotten and alone.   Let them know that you are there but more importantly lead them to the best friend they could ever have,  Our God.

Faith in The Fog.

The one thing I have promised myself and my readers is to be honest.  Last week was a tough week.  I was hit with hurt after hurt.  News after news that wasn't so good for my family that I had to process.  At one point everything became a fog.  Tears flowed.  I am a tough cookie though.  I don't need sympathy. I am a caretaker of a person who has battled mental illness for over 9 years. I am someone that is a professional at getting back up after getting knocked back down by life.  I've had depression, anxiety and the wind knocked out of me enough and worried about what tomorrow, which is why I now laugh when people question my faith in God.  How can I not have faith in my God.  We are still here.   We are alive.  We both love God.  He has come so far and I could not be more proud.  By the way,  I have his full support to put anything about our life in this blog.  The reason we chose to is because of facts.   1 in 3 people are treated with some sort of mental illness.  Think of the people that are suffering that are not treated. 

I share this because you need to know life is not easy.  It hurts.  But the ability of Jesus Christ to walk beside you and pull you out of the depths of the darkest of the dark is real.  The ability of Jesus Christ to be there through the hardest of the hard times is real.  He is the one and only that will never judge you.  He is one and only that will never laugh at you and not judge your journey of why you have to walk the path you must walk.  He will never feel the need to leave you.  He will truly love you when you are unlovable to the rest of the world.   When nothing in the fog makes sense, He is there.  When you have to sit through the fog until it clear,  He still and always will the the everlasting God who never changes.  The great I am.  The on who will not Unfriend you.  The one who will not make you cry.  The one who will not make you question what you did wrong.  The one that will love you through the crazy, confusing heartaches that no one knows you are going through.  He is the comforter.  The great I AM.  When he leads you to write a blog to help others.  That's it.  You don't have to be hurt or explain yourself.  IT is done.  You put yourself out there and it is done because he said so.  He knows if for no other reason but for the reason HE knows.

He lifts all heartaches.  He is not a cliche you don't fit into anymore.  He is not the hush that falls on the room when you walk in.  He gives you the comfort to know that it doesn't matter.  The people that love you, love you.  The end.  The people that find fault in things God directed you in, Can't matter in the bigger picture because for your mentally well being, you can't and won't worry about what other's think of you.

So if God directs you to do something to help others.  Do it.  Step out in faith.  Tell the truth and do it.

I got hurt.  I am fine.  God will help me figure the rest out somehow.  My faith has to be bigger than my worry.

Just know that life with Jesus Christ doesn't mean it's easy.  Doesn't mean you won't have obstacles.  But it means it's always worth it.  Even if you're thrown in the spotlight and you feel like you stand alone in that spotlight.  Because you don't.  He is always with you.