The gift to my self....Freedom from Religious Judgement

I just got home from a worship service.  The music was amazing a usual.  I prayed and talked to God as I always do.  I praised my God and thanked him.   I thanked him for the struggles of the last weeks that have been brought to me because I know in my heart He has a plan.  Tonight will be my last night I will speak of the struggles I have faced the last few weeks.   My heart has hurt more than words can express.  It felt at times my heart was ripped out of my chest as friends walked away.  Family left and walked away.  I don't know that I will ever comprehend being told I was over the top for Jesus by more than one person.   I don't know that my heart will ever recover being told someone close to me had to distance her self from me because I was too much Jesus.  Wait,  yes I will.  Because as of today, I am choosing to.

Today,  I will move forward from having a "friend" tell me that if  God or the Holy Spirit is talking to me, I needed a professional.  Because serial killers started out like that.  I was dumb founded that a educated person could let those words come out of their mouth.  But then as hurt as I was, I realized that she may be worried for me, I felt as much sadness for her that she lives a life not knowing God like she may think she does.  Because if she did, and if she read her bible and believed it, she would know with all that she is that God nor the Holy Spirit would NEVER tell you or lead you to harm any one.  God is love.  My God leads me to do good for people.  What a sad life that someone would sit around gossiping about a Christian that something so hateful is the best they could come up with.  Instead of gossiping about me or other Christians,  a simple conversation face to face would be nice.  But they obviously have never experienced God in the way most Christians have and I choose to pray for them and still love them though the comment did hurt.  Millions of Christians pray and feel and/or hear the Holy Spirit.

Tonight,  As I witnessed many Christians praising God and worshiping I thought of all the people who thought I was over the top and I thought how proud I was to be surrounded by God's people and a ton of people that are just like me.

I also decided that not another tear will be shed over what I can't understand.  Not another anxiety attack will be had over what I can't change.  Not another moment of time can or will be spent worrying about trying to make people love me or accept me, that simply can't or won't.  Because you can't make people stay that don't want to.  And if they walk away that easy,  they weren't meant to stay, and what does it say about their love for you?

This is the Eve of my 43 Birthday.  I am giving myself a present.  Forgiveness.  Forgiveness for the anger I had for the hurt I had.  I give myself light.   Where all the darkness was inside, I release it in Jesus name.  I will not let anyone have control over me to control my feelings to make me anxious, sad or depressed.   I will not be persecuted by anyone or anything.  My 43rd will be freedom.  What ever God's will is, is what is will be done.   I will be blessed and the people that walked away, if they come back, they do but I can't control if they choose not to.  I can't force friends or  family to love me.   Especially when it comes to the love I have for Jesus.  That is not changing.  Because I made a promise to Him first and foremost and I am not breaking it.

So Happy 43rd to me.  I pray that all I prayed for comes to pass and I truly let all the darkness go and all the negative comes to pass.  I pray good, positive things for my family and that nothing but good, Godly things happen to my family and I.   No more pain.  No more hurt.  No more opinion's of others can hurt me.  It is over and done.  My gift to myself is freedom of religious judgement.