Hey you! Get back up! HE HAS PLANS FOR YOU!

We often have this fairy tale Christian belief that once we accept Jesus Christ as our own that all is new and we now will skip off like Alice in Wonderland once she climbs out of that rabbit hole and we will know who we are and we will live happily ever after.   Love will not hurt.  Relationships will not fail.  Bank accounts will automatically prosper.  Kids will never get on our nerves, they are perfect behaving beings and may our language never be that of a trucker or a sailor.  Well, let me go a head and break the news to you Sunshine, hard times are going to still happen.  Kids will still drive you almost to the point of hitting the bottle, though I highly recommend you don't do that but yet you turn to God.  But let's be honest.  Jobs will be lost.  (Raises hand!!  Ask me!  I know.  Got hit like a ton of bricks at 42 years of age when we already lived from pay check to pay check).  Relationships can fail.  I pray they don't.  I pray you are are strong enough to turn to God and and fully rely on him to speak things back into existence.  As brothers and sisters in Christ we have to be honest through.   Pain is pain.  I consider myself to be one of the strong Christians, a warrior.  The one people call on when prayer is needed.  I pray every day more than I talk to most people.  I dive into the word of God more than I watch tv or socialize now.  I am not better than anyone else.  We all are capable of the exact same thing.  It is on us on how much time we choose to give him.

If you are new to Christ or restarting a relationship with him, I am reminding you do not give up when obstacles pop up.  I am here to remind you once again,  the stronger you get in him, the more Satan will come at you.  The more your past will haunt you.  I remind you again,  you must tell Satan and your past they have NO ROOM IN YOU NOW.  They are your past for a reason and not who you are TODAY.

God made us new.  People will say, You have changed.  You have and Praise God you have.  Because if you hadn't, you would be stuck in the same rut.  People who constantly sit around and bash who you are now, are dealing with their own issues and I want you to do something bold.  I want you to pray for them.  They are hurting.  Your changes would not faze them unless it stirred something in themselves that was hurting them inside.  Pray hard for them.   They are in pain.  Pray that God moves the pain and shows them what is hurting them on the inside and the Holy Spirit moves in them and deals with the pain trapped in them that causes them to think that it is your Christianity that is causing the problem.

Face each day with a new hope and prayer.  Face it with God.  Tell God,  Cry out to God, Great are you Lord.  I am NOTHING without you Lord and no matter what I face I know I can and will make it with you.

Know when I write these blogs, they are for me too.  I have battle the sames things I write about only I pray to him and ask God, "what am I going through that can help someone else??"   He leads me to write these blogs and I will continue to do so as long as he tells me too.   Today I wanted to have a pity party as I realized my bank account didn't have enough in it for what I needed from the store, but I am ok.  I am alive.  I can breath.  My kids are not hungry. I have a roof.  I have heat.  I have lights.  I just have to keep moving and know God will take care of me and my family.

Forgive. Even when you don't want to. You have to. The End.

Hard couple of weeks.  I've been hurt to the point it feels like a death.  Words have been said that I am not sure can ever be recovered.  By both sides.   The most painful thing I have felt is my faith being questioned but I failed the test.  I let the words get to me and I lashed out.  In order to move forward,  I have to forgive all who spoke them.  Forgive myself for lashing out.  Forgive the anger in my heart.  Forgive the words I never even said because those words are just as bad as if the human ears had heard them or if my mouth had spoken them.  The heart is a funny thing.  When it is truly hurt and damaged it retreats to dark places, childlike places where every hurt we ever felt comes flooding back like a river of pins and needles and can make you feel so unloved and useless.  True hurt is sincerely like a death because it feels like we don't know if we can come back from it.

I prayed today with several people.  Here is what I know.  I can't hold on to hurt.  It is like hate.  It eats at you and nothing good comes from it.  I am telling you that if you are hurt by someone even if they are not sorry you have to let it go TODAY.   Not tomorrow, Not next week, ot next week.  TODAY.  It is like a cancer eating you and you will not and can not grow spiritually through Christ with it in you.  So, no matter who was right or wrong, it is your job to let it go today.   Release it.  Tell God you it release to him right now.  Tell him you are wrong for holding on to it.   You love him more than proving you are right or wrong in an argument.  Christ our Father must come above all and yes, that even means saying you are wrong if you feel you are not just to let it go!

It is unhealthy spiritually.  Our job is to put Him above all and we can't do that if we are going back and forth with people over things, that in the end are not going to matter anyway.

My life is at a uncertain point right now.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  Financially or anything.  But what I do know, Christ Jesus will be there.  No matter if I have to move.  He will make sure my kids are fed somehow.  I know my God will not let me or my family fall.  I believe and am speaking it into existence right now that a job will call me tomorrow.  I am speaking life into that my husband will not lose the medications he needs to live and the ones he needs.  I am speaking life into that every need my family needs will be met this week.  The bible promises me that every mountain I face shall be moved because I have the power to say to it be moved.   Well, I am telling you, I am speaking life into it and it shall be moved.  Mountains shall be moved and because I forgive and have been forgiven BIG things are going to move THIS week for my family.

I pray big things for you if you are facing things in your life too.  Remember, SPEAK IT!!  My grandma Susie always said, "Name it and Claim it baby".  Well, In Jesus name, this is your time, this is my time and in Jesus name, I name it and claim it!   Facing a mountain???  Where??   We are a child of God Almighty! You tell that mountain BE MOVED and it SHALL BE MOVED!!

Come back Roaring Like a Lion

 I read my bible, this verse got me today.  "My Grace is Sufficient for you, My power is perfected in weakness....".   Nothing could have jumped out at me more this week.  Everyone is going through something.  It's not about me.  It's not about you.  It's about us.  We all are facing something.   Heartache,  Emptiness.  Joblessness.  Someone has thought about taking their life out there right now reading this.  They have thought this world would not even miss them.  I am here to tell  you your God does not want that and there are people that love you.  So what if someone you loved turned their back.  It is not and will not be the end of the world.  So what if you got laid off.  Someone you loved broke up with you?  Guess what?  Something bigger is coming your way if you keep your faith and keep your head up.  Dive into the word of God and turn that heartache into a testimony.  No one or nothing materialistic means more than your God does.  Nothing is bigger than the love he has for you.  We can lose every single material possession we have and yes it is hard and yes it hurts but we have to hold our head high and know with all we are as Christians he loves us and has bigger plans for us.

Again, I have always said I will be honest with you because I can not help people by lying.  There have been times when Satan has made me feel so unloved and filled with anxiety that I have begged God to give me a pass.  Let me die.  IF you will give me a pass and let me leave this world, I will go because I am not loved here and I don't know the answers and I am scared of what tomorrow will bring and I can't handle this anymore.  I don't know how to take care of someone that has the issues I am facing.  I am having my own issues now from stress.  Please God.  Give me a way out.  The holy spirit plainly told me I knew better and there was no such thing as pass for me because I was in my right mind to know that I had 2 children who would forever hurt and that I loved them and how would that be explained.   I told him I knew that but the pain was so intense I didn't know any other way out.  He said, there is no way "out" but there is a way "through" it and it is " through me".   I knew I would never do what went through my head but I am just letting you know that when you reach the depths of depression and self hate and anxiety where Satan will drag you, he will make irrational things go through your head that you know are wrong.  I would never kill my self because I now.  I am better and I have 2 kids I have to raise.  But I have friends who have and I hurt that they took that route.  I talk to you about it because it is important to know just how low a person can get and not a soul around them will know.  Please know this was this hardest thing to ever write but when the Holy Spirit told me I would write this blog, Mental Health Awareness was always going to be a big part of this blog.  I know that 1 in 3 people suffer from it so I know I am not the first one that thought these kind of thoughts I may just be one of the few willing to put it on blast in order to help someone else.  I am not in this position now and even though I suffer from anxiety and depression from time to time, this is something I do not suffer from any longer.  But I am not going to fake my life or leave out parts that I feel could help heal someone else.

I want you to understand it doesn't even have to get that bad.  It could just be as simple as self hate.  Depression.  Not wanting to go out.  Satan letting you get hurt by others and instead of you being Christ like, you lashing back out.   That 's not a good place to be either.   I've been guilty of this recently.  It is because the stronger I get in Christ the stronger I get back lash from people calling me out on every mistake I make and pointing fingers, "see that fake Christian"  instead of lashing out,  I have to back down. Satan sends people to say things like this cause he wants you to lash out.  But who are you lashing out to?  Look at who says them. I must not be angered.  I must pray and be more like him.  Instead of letting people call me names who don't even crack the bible open affect me.  I must stand up, hold my head up and know who I am in Christ and Roar like a lion.  Know that I am the daughter of the one true King.  I am untouchable to people that want to cause me harm because he says so.  That which is out to harm me I can rebuke it,  NOT JOIN IN ON IT.  SO CAN YOU!!!!

I am telling you,  anything that is out to interfere with your life or cause you harm you can rebuke it in the name of Jesus right now. We forget our power.  Because we let Satan beat us down.  We are not a little lamb Satan can kick around.  We are a Lion that can Roar and stand strong on the word of God and and his promises and know we will be taken care of.  Every morning before you get out of that bed, you thank Your God and you tell him, "I am going to be a Lion for you today and I am going to Roar and will not bow down before NO ONE but YOU LORD!"

Christians are not Perfect, nor do we pretend to be.

I once googled a church to go to.  I contacted the Pastor.  His name was Bob.  I said, "I want to come and visit your church but I don't know if I am really the right fit.  I'm really broken.  I am saved but I feel lost.  You probably don't want me there.   I cuss a little.  Well, maybe more like a trucker.  I have tattoo's.  I don't own a dress.  I hurt on the inside a lot and just don't tell people.  My husband can't come and that's a long story.".  Pastor Bob said, "Well, we prefer honest people and we don't wear mask, so I think you'd be a good fit. I'll tell you something, I have a tattoo and I'll be wearing Jeans."   Well,  I'll come.  But I still don't think I'll be  a good fit.  I am angry at a lot of things.  But I think my boys need to be there.

That was over 2 years ago.  I walked in and I knew this place was different.  I knew I didn't have to keep secrets anymore.  I knew I had a place where I didn't have to hide words like Mental illness.  I knew I didn't have to hid the fact I was angry over being a secret caregiver and feeling no one cared except for the one person in this whole world I could turn to, my sister.  I had people I could confide in without judgement.  I could tell them some days I hate life.  Some days I want to cry.  Some days I want to scream, Some days I just want answers.   Some days I am sick of hearing med changes.  Some days I am sick of making people in life  laugh and making it seems like life is ok when my life is not ok.  I am scared of what will happen to him if the medicines stop working.

His illness has brought me massive anxiety.  Depression.  The inability to handle other outside changes that come too quick at once when I am dealing with his.   This is where my faith in God has come into play.  It has literally saved my life.   So when people question it, make fun of it or go on rants that literally tear me to shreds telling me what a joke I am for being a Christian, I have to sit back and think, "Man, you have to clue."  This has what has kept me alive.   It's not a church building.  It is a personal relationship with God that I know I can turn to.  As I get ripped to shreds by someone that has no clue about me I often wonder have they ever had a one on one experience with God because if they had, how could they rip someone so harshly.  I especially wonder when they say, "you act so different in front of your church people" yet, they have not once seen me interact in the church, heard me speak in front of the church nor have they seen me in my outreach group.  Because what they would fine is the same me that they know.  Sure, I cuss less now.  And maybe I don't cuss when I am praying.  I don't get as angry.  I still get angry.  I still get hurt.  I still cry.  I still don't understand.  I still feel feelings.  We are still human.  I just try harder to reach people who I think have been through what I have been through and think I can help them.   I am still and always will be a sinner.  We all are.   We just work harder at talking to God and figuring out why we let people like that get to us.  By the way,  my husband is doing better at this point than he has in some time and has been taken off a lot of horrible medications that changed who he was.  I could not be more proud.  Please pray for our marriage as it all has taken a toll on our marriage.

My God is so merciful.  More merciful than I ever deserve.   But that is just it.  He is merciful.  It's it up to him, Not any hate spewing man who just wants to hurt me and scar me and try to hurt me a bout being a Christian.  You don't get that choice.  I've blocked your hate.  Your words mean nothing because in the end, only Jesus Christ Promises matter.

Tired of running? Let me tell you where to find comfort.

Someone this morning is hurting.  Running.  Running from the same battle you have been running from for a long time.  You know the answer, you just don't know how to ask for the the solution. It's simple really.  Pull the covers off your head.  Dry your eyes.  Get out of that bed.  Get on your knees.  You know that pulling you keep feeling?  The one that won't go away and you keep fighting.  That is your answer.   It is the one and only Holy Spirit tell you, "Child, come to me."  God will take that hurt.  You feel that burn?  No, not those tears.  That inner burn that won't go away?  It is the pull of your Redeemer waiting on you to call on him.  He will not pull you out of bed.  You must call out to him.

This Thanksgiving today why not make it today. If it be depression, addiction, heartache, anxiety, a problem you think you can't dig your way out of, why not today be the day you stand up out of that bed and kneel down?  Here is what you do.  Read this blog word for word,   "Heavenly Father, I am a mess.  I feel you there though.  I need you.  I know your word says If I call on you and ask you into my heart you will be there.  Please God,  I need you.  I am asking you to please wipe my slate clean.  Forgive me for my sins and transgressions.  I asked you even forgive me for the sins I didn't even know I committed God.  I am nothing without you.  What I have or don't have is NOTHING without out you.  Please God, come into my heart.  From this day forward I want to live for you.  Show me Lord.  Light a fire in me to want to live every single day till the day I die for you.  Use me big Lord whatever that means!   Lord if you find me worthy, teach me that I am worthy to live for you.  I want to live a life leading others to you.  Please God, right now, this moment, lift me out of this darkness and let me see your eternal light.  I love you and need you."

It is as simple as that little lamb. You say those words, mean them, change your circle and you will be a lion for Jesus that will transform not only your life but the lives of many!!   Do it today.  Tomorrow is never promised.  Take that leap of faith.  You will be surround by a family of followers and will not be alone.  Plus in him, you will never be alone.   Your chains will be broken and you will be free.  Hard days will come but you fall into the word every single time it gets hard and don't stray from that and you will get stronger every single day.  Believe me.  The retirement plan is out of this world my brother and sisters.  Do it today!  It 's better than another day suffering, hiding, hurting under those blankets in a world of fake friends and the devil telling you you'll make it.

Could you use FREE PRAYER? Do you usually charge? No. But I got your attention.

When the Hope for the City Outreach started I had no clue what I was doing.  I would asked them as I was trained, did you receive your free bag of groceries?  Then I would nervously ask, would you like your Free prayer?  I would get the strangest looks,but most of the time, they would say yes and  need it.  The more we did it, the more comfortable I became with it.  In fact, the more it helped me become the warrior I am today with prayer.  I remember in the beginning I prayed quick and my voice cracked.  The more I prayed the better I got.  The more I prayed, the more I wanted to pray at home.  The more I prayed the more I wanted to dive into the word of God.  I realized if I were going to spend my life reaching out to people who felt as broken as I felt, I needed to know more than I did. As I mentioned in the past, I struggle daily with wondering why God would pick me to be used to lead people when I am so far from what I see as a leader.  But what I did know is I had a fire inside for God.  I knew that his word was true.  I felt the Holy Spirit lead me to people and tell me things that only he knew.  I struggled and still do struggle with why broken me,but when I do I have to go alone into my prayer time and literally power up and tell Satan to stand down and put my shield up.  Shield up is when I my open Bible and  I dive into the word and I pray, and when I pray I shut every negative person out, every hurtful comment out,every rude and gash to my heart must be shut down.  That is why some days I am unable to blog.  Because some days I am weak.  Life breaks me down.  Tonight I have spent in prayer.  Reading his word.  Processing his promises.  Processing my broken heart.  Remember that my 15 year old saying, "Mom, you said this is what God put you here for and this is what your promise to God is.  You can't stop now.  No matter what heartache you feel now"

Out of the mouths of babes.  Last night, being the leader of the Hope for the City Out Reach.  I told them life had beat me up the last 2 weeks.  I can't possibly keep my commitment of the grocery outreach.  Which is not like me.  I always keep my promises to our people.  It is my life and my love.  It is the joy that brings so many hope and we literally see God's work being done.  My Pastor and our people said, NO.  You have to push through.  This is not like you.  You see, I will not hide nothing from you be it easy or not embarrassing or not.  I was having a pity party for one.  The week before my husband who is on disability for now (speaking it into existence that changes soon!!) his amount of money changed.  I had got hit with one thing after another.  Monday, I lost my job, first time in my life and I am scared   I felt my entire world crash around me because of things in my control and some out of my control.  I was (am at time still) hurt and angry.  I am human.  I  make mistakes.  A child of God is at fault just as much as one that is not a daughter of the one true king.  My mind was and is all over the place with fear.  But I prayed.  I stayed strong on my God's word.  He is my everlasting truth.  He is my almighty.  He is and always will my forever King.  My friend.  My father.  My redeemer.  I will stand on his word when everything thing else around me has crumbled to the ground or I am standing on sinking sand because he is the great I AM. Basically I had to cancel my pity party for 1 had to be cancelled even if I wanted to stop my feet, be angry and have it anyway.

In the cold of the night, we loaded the vehicles with bags of donated groceries.  Tierre, Rachel, Peggy, Lynn and my children, CJ and Benjamin.  We headed to the only section 8 apartment complex apartments in this county.  Before you rush to judgments you may or may not understand, I would like you to understand these people are poor but it doesn't mean they don't work.  Many are on disability or they work but make minimum wage and have children.  By the time we show up on 24th of the month, there is way more month than there is food!  Believe me on a cold night those groceries are a much needed site.   We stand in the cold and hold hands.  "God our Father, we give you all the honor, Praise and Glory. Please God, guide up to the apartments that only YOU know where we are needed the most".  You see, that is my favorite part.  There are 100's of apartments there but He leads us just where we are needed.  It is amazing.  We have people fall into our arms.  How did we know? DO you need prayer?  Yes!!  We join hands and our Warriors go to work and that is where the real work begins!  "Father God, let her know you love her, let her know she is not alone.  Let her know of your love and let her know we love her too.  We ask of your hand of protection to surround her and her children. Whatever their need is Father, We ask it be MET TODAY!!!  NOT NEXT MONTH, NOT NEXT WEEK BUT TODAY!!".   I hear many prayers being said on these nights.  I hand out more hugs than I can't count.  The teams are amazing.  The people we meet are amazing.  They take down our numbers.  They need help with Doctor's, Christmas, whatever, we help them find it.  We don't know the answers but we pray and trust God to help us find it.

There is so much more to this cold night than a bag a groceries. I asked you all start an outreach in your own community and look for the people behind those apartment doors that feel lost, forgotten and alone.   Let them know that you are there but more importantly lead them to the best friend they could ever have,  Our God.

Faith in The Fog.

The one thing I have promised myself and my readers is to be honest.  Last week was a tough week.  I was hit with hurt after hurt.  News after news that wasn't so good for my family that I had to process.  At one point everything became a fog.  Tears flowed.  I am a tough cookie though.  I don't need sympathy. I am a caretaker of a person who has battled mental illness for over 9 years. I am someone that is a professional at getting back up after getting knocked back down by life.  I've had depression, anxiety and the wind knocked out of me enough and worried about what tomorrow, which is why I now laugh when people question my faith in God.  How can I not have faith in my God.  We are still here.   We are alive.  We both love God.  He has come so far and I could not be more proud.  By the way,  I have his full support to put anything about our life in this blog.  The reason we chose to is because of facts.   1 in 3 people are treated with some sort of mental illness.  Think of the people that are suffering that are not treated. 

I share this because you need to know life is not easy.  It hurts.  But the ability of Jesus Christ to walk beside you and pull you out of the depths of the darkest of the dark is real.  The ability of Jesus Christ to be there through the hardest of the hard times is real.  He is the one and only that will never judge you.  He is one and only that will never laugh at you and not judge your journey of why you have to walk the path you must walk.  He will never feel the need to leave you.  He will truly love you when you are unlovable to the rest of the world.   When nothing in the fog makes sense, He is there.  When you have to sit through the fog until it clear,  He still and always will the the everlasting God who never changes.  The great I am.  The on who will not Unfriend you.  The one who will not make you cry.  The one who will not make you question what you did wrong.  The one that will love you through the crazy, confusing heartaches that no one knows you are going through.  He is the comforter.  The great I AM.  When he leads you to write a blog to help others.  That's it.  You don't have to be hurt or explain yourself.  IT is done.  You put yourself out there and it is done because he said so.  He knows if for no other reason but for the reason HE knows.

He lifts all heartaches.  He is not a cliche you don't fit into anymore.  He is not the hush that falls on the room when you walk in.  He gives you the comfort to know that it doesn't matter.  The people that love you, love you.  The end.  The people that find fault in things God directed you in, Can't matter in the bigger picture because for your mentally well being, you can't and won't worry about what other's think of you.

So if God directs you to do something to help others.  Do it.  Step out in faith.  Tell the truth and do it.

I got hurt.  I am fine.  God will help me figure the rest out somehow.  My faith has to be bigger than my worry.

Just know that life with Jesus Christ doesn't mean it's easy.  Doesn't mean you won't have obstacles.  But it means it's always worth it.  Even if you're thrown in the spotlight and you feel like you stand alone in that spotlight.  Because you don't.  He is always with you.

Church at the Kum n' Go party of 5 please......Holy Spirit Said so

My daddy is a giving man.  Would give his last dollar to another that needed it.  Always said, never let your right hand know what your left hand is doing.  Can't tell you how many times as a truckers daughter on the road I saw this man see a man down on his luck and count his own money and only have so much money to get us back home but buy a man a meal cause he needed it.  I said, "daddy, why did you do that".  He said, "what if that is Jesus baby?".  I seen many a time my parents buy Christmas for people and never tell a soul.  Times when when I thought we had the world but looking back maybe we really didn't.  I always thought I had everything.  But I heard them at the table about a time a man's house burned down and their kids weren't going to have anything.  I remember hearing trucker families banding together to make sure that family had what they needed to eat and them kids had Christmas.  Point is I grew up with generous family that wasn't rich but knew not to tell because God would bless you.  But now is a different age and this is a different type of story that involve many people who blessed people and don't even know it.

Bad week can't sum up the week I had.  I was sitting at the gas station and a woman tapped on my window.  She said she needed gas.  I said why did you pick me.  She said, "well that man over there said to."  Great.  My own husband ratted me out when I just wanted to be left alone for a few days.  I asked her my general questions.  "Why should I help you and what makes makes you think I have the money to?"   She said, "well, you're a Godly woman".  I said, "what in the world makes you think that?"  She said, "It's all over you".  I said, "well forgive me, are you a Godly woman?  Tell me what you know about God".  She said he was the creator of all things."  I said why are you in need and down on your luck honey?"  I then got out of the car. My bitter week was not her fault. She said, "everything that can go wrong has but I won't give up.  I can't."  Well.  I get that.  I held her.  I said no you can't".  4 others walked over.  One had slip on shoes on with no socks.  Actual snow on her bare feet.   I said lets go in the Kum n' go and talk a minute.  I asked them what they knew about God.  Where they lived. Most lived in the shelter.  One in half way house, One in a section 8 house which is very strict and she could not have the rest live with her or she could be kicked out.  Leading the outreach, I know this to be a fact.  I said where are ya'll going?  They are from  Des Moines where family had agreed to treat them for Thanksgiving and they were starving and needed to get there.  They had no coats.  The one had no socks.  I asked them to join my hands where we prayed.  When I pray, I don't say a simple prayer.  I pray hard for answers.  Guidance.  Protection. As I prayed they all began to pray out loud.  A man joined us as he put his hand on the leader of the group.  I said amen.  I told them God will see them through this.  I got them gas.  I told Bobby to get a loaf of bread, lunch meat, chips, cookies and mustard.   I also gave her my socks I just bought at Menards that were warm and fuzzy.  I walked out to their car that I prayed would make it to Des Moines.  I have them my number.   They asked why we helped them.  A stranger gave them a $10. Another stranger said, "you know they probably get more food stamps that you make in a month."  Where I had to tell him, "You know I didn't ask and I pray God shows you the true light and truth of pain people feel".  I pumped the gas and I looked into the car and the were ravishing the food like they had not eaten in some time.  I hugged each one of them  They again asked why.  I said it is my job to love my sisters and take care of them and they would do the same for me.  I pulled off and remembered someone had donated 2 bags of groceries to my Hope for City Outreach I have Tuesday and I turned around.  They said, "you came back for us???"  I said absolutely"  I forgot, "someone donated these 2 bags of groceries and God must have meant them to be yours!!!!  And guess what????  I have a box of donated items in my car I forgot about and guess what????  There are more socks!!!  Lotions, toothpaste, and foot lotions!!  You have to care for them cold feet.  God wants you to.  He must have made sure that was back there just for ya'll cause he loves ya'll!!!  Lord, they acted like it was Christmas.  I was there for over an hour.  The lady that works at the gas station just smiled.  My husband just said, "that is my wife and her relationship with God."   See,  IF the Holy Spirit told me to get out at the Red light and give the car behind me that bag of groceries I would do it.  Every single person has the exact ability.  We have to pray and be in tuned to him.  We have to be willing to take the time out of our day.  We have to want to love unconditionally no matter what it looks like.  No matter if you look like a crazy lady preaching God's word for a solid hour at the Kum n' Go.

In case you don't know.  We got over 7 inches of snow the night before.  It was cold.  Not one had a coat.  They had on jackets.  I pray the car had heat.   Say a prayer they made it to Des Moines to spend Thanksgiving.   I beg each of you to pay attention to your surroundings.  Don't be scared of people that aren't dressed like you at the gas station.  Buy a coffee.  Ask God who needs help.  Don't worry who is taking advantage of the system.  Pray to God to guide you to that guy who is down on his luck driving a truck, broke down and needs a coffee.  Pray to God to lead you to the mom who is not eating but her kids are.  Buy her food.   Hug people.  Just say,  I know I look crazy, but God told me you needed a hug.  Sometimes that is all they need.  They may be out of  job and all they need to know is they matter and that it is going to be ok.   Ask God.  He will lead you.  Stop being paranoid.  Trust him.

The Time I Argued With The Holy Spirit and Lost

My Journey with God has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  The people who helped me along the way have helped me tune into know how to listen and to truly know my God.  It is how I know, that I know that I know that I know that he is real.  (excuse my Nicole C. Mullen reference but she is one of my favorites!).  Along the way, I stopped just talking and learned to listen and when I did, wow!!  It is why that I know until the the I die, I will forever live for Jesus Christ.  I will forever put him above all.  Because He is not a building on Sunday.  He is not Christmas.  He is not a book I pick up from time to time.  He is my King.  He is my living God.  He comes before anyone.  Above all.  Until the day I die.  I have that type of relationship with him.  No one can explain him away to me.  Because I have received the Holy Spirit and I have heard him.  I don't care who thinks I am crazy.  I have walked up to complete strangers because he told me to and had them fall into my arms crying asking me how did I know?  Because God told me.  Explain it away?  You can't.  It is my King.

Now on to the time I tried to argue with him.  I was with my family at a very packed theme park called Adventured land.  Shoulder to shoulder with people.  Slammed packed.  This past summer.  I was walking passed a very tall and somewhat scary tattooed man (I have tattoos, that was not what made him scary) his tattoo had a skeleton on his throat of a skull flipping to middle fingers off each side of his neck.  I thought quietly, Jesus, I bet he had a hard life.  Well, it was a conversation I wish I had not started with the word "Jesus".  Plain as if I was talking to you, Jesus answered, "Yes, he has.  I need you to give him a message."   I literally  turned back to the man who I swear looked 7 foot tall and said, "uh....you sure it's me...uh,   He doesn't look happy.  you sure you meant me????"  Plain as day,  he said, "You must tell him, Be delivered from your past and look ahead through Me and STOP RELIVING IT".   There was a sea of people and I kept walking my little cousin Jessica was with me, my kids, and my husband.   I looked at Jessica.  I had tears in my eyes cause I knew she wasn't going to understand.  I said Jessica,  "I know this is going to seem crazy but God just told me to give this man a message and I have to do it."  She lovingly looked at me and said ok.  Cj said, "she does this a lot."  They sat down on a bench to wait on me.  I turned to Bobby and I said, "look I know this sounds crazy but the Holy Spirit has given me a clear message to give to that big tattooed man and I have to do it."  He just looked at me and said, "well, you better do what the Holy Spirit says to do".

My stomach was in knots.  What if he was not a believer?  I turned around to the sea of people and he was gone!!  I began to cry.  Because once the Holy Spirit gives you an assignment and you don't follow through, it will pull at you and pull at you until it is done.  I stood at the bridge that came from the water park which is where we were come from.  I prayed God please let me find him.  I stood there crying like and idiot in front of strangers thinking I had lost a child.  I had!  God's child!  Please God lead him to me!   I turned around and there was the massive stranger!  I grabbed his arm and I said sir, may I please talk to you?  He said sure!  I said can we walk over here??

I said, "Sir, I may sound like a crazy lady to you but just hear me out ok?  When I was walking by you earlier God gave me a very clear and direct message just for you.  He said BE DELIVERED FROM YOUR PAST AND LOOK AHEAD THROUGH JESUS CHRIST.  STOP RELIVING WHATEVER IT IS YOU ARE RELIVING."

He said, "Ma'am  I was very violent."  I said, "But are you NOW?  TODAY IS WHO YOU ARE"  Tears began to fall from the giant of a mans eyes,  right there in Adventure Land. He thanked me several times.  He hugged me.  He said stuff like this never happens in the world today that we live in.  I told him it was not me, but our God.  We just have to listen.  I hugged him again.  He just finished serving 3 years in the same town I actually live in.  (we were in Des Moines when we met).

I said don't it feel so good that NONE of this matters??  All of it is wiped clean if you asked him to wipe it clean?  Your past is just that and leave it here.

A true walk with God is not an easy road but it is worth it.

Talk about the Holy Spirit setting up a message.  I was working on this blog when a friend wrote me to tell me I had changed.  I am "too much".  I am "over the top" it seems.  I knew a few people felt this way because I can feel things easily now.  I am not dumb to feel the quiet hush that falls when I walk into a room.  But I am also blessed to feel the rumble of hey girl when I walk into a room of welcomes either.  I understand that the last year I have changed a whole lot.  I am being called to different types of mission type works now.  ME.  Who knew?  Not me, that's for sure.  My life sure isn't together that is for sure.  I have lead a life that sure isn't together.  But that is maybe why God is calling me to he people he is leading me to.

I tell all Christians, when you dive into the word everyday and seek understanding and you asked God to use you big, BE PREPARED.  He will do just that.  In fact,  When God started to use me, I asked him to change his mind.  The holy spirit told me he knew what he was doing.  I told him I was too broken.  My home life was broken and I was far from the one that could lead anyone. That is when I got the message that "my child, the broken will heal the broken."

I suffer from so much heart ache.  Marriage problems.  Depression.  Anxiety.  Anger.  I am far from a saint.  But you see,  our God says I am redeemed.  My past is NOT MY NOW.  It is not my today.

Anything anyone says about me, even the people I think love me the most can not hurt me.  Because I am covered and protected.  My God has a plan and I will follow it through.

My walk with God has nothing to do with a building I attend.  It is a personal walk with God.  It is reading the word and listening to the holy spirit and letting him guide me.  It is knowing "friends" will walk away but "family" may be confused but they won't walk away....I know God will show them the peace they need to understand my journey.  The "friends" that leave never were friends.  I will be sent Godly friends that share the same path and understanding and actually already have.

Know this,  when you choose this path and you find this same hurt, it will be ok.  God has a plan and you will never be alone.  Never.  You will always have him and you will be surrounded by his people.  Hang in there.

A friend of mine name Lainie Hoskyn said to me this morning, " Many are called but few respond! It takes courage and strength to take the hidden talents in us and push forward against all the odds!!"

So, you guys hang in there.  Never give up.  Don't let words hurt.  Because most of the time people saying them really didn't mean the way they came out anyway.   Usually there is hurt coming from another place that made them say it anyway.  Keep loving them.  I know I am.

I have been guilty, have you?

I share this because I am just finishing a outreach that hit my heart that will not soon leave my mind or heart anytime soon.  We will be entering our next outreach with in 2 weeks.  Where I have to clear my mind and keep my soul open to the next stories I will hear and pray to God to lead us to help the next people.

I called a girl Saturday to see if she would be at the meal we were serving.  On a cell phone.  She lives in a shelter.  She has a cell phone.  You gasp???  OMG.  It must be one of them Obama phones right?  No.  You're wrong.  See, we rush to judgement.  It is a $10 added phone that her mom from Chicago pays for.  She left a very abusive relationship.  She moved here to hide.  She's been here  for months.  I meet her trying to help her find her an apartment and a job.  What you say?  They work in shelters?  Yes.  She works at a discount store for months at minimum wage.  She has children.  She is a sweetheart.  She is my friend.  She will soon have an apartment. GASP.  It is a low income.  But at minimum wage would you rather her stay at the shelter?  See,  she has kids.  She does get food stamps.  Does she gets steaks?  I don't know.  I don't even care. If she cooks one at the shelter and eats it on her cot,  I could care less any more.

There was a time in my life that would anger me.  See, my husband suffered an illness, and lost his job.  I worked at the nursing service and at the hospital and could get no help when I needed it the most but because I worked too much; I could get no help and was too proud to tell people I was hurting. For years, even until recently I would cringe when I would see ebt cards pay for an abundance of what I saw as high cost foods.  But since getting off my couch and getting into the community and seeing the real issues I have stopped.  I have also realized that God placed a lot of angels in my pathways along that way that stepped in when I needed them the most and helped me.  One time I didn't want to stress my sister out or my family.  I went to the boys and girls club in Bryant, Arkansas  to pick up my boys up and a lady named Melody Gately walked up to me and knew I looked stressed.  She said you know we have this back pack program and if you ever needed one or two, you are welcome.  I burst into tears.  I left with 4 that were loaded with snacks and food.  Obviously looked a hot mess.  Those snacks got us through the week.  I wonder if , Justin Powel, Suzanne Passmore. or she ever knew how much their hugs got me through that particular time.

Another story about Saturday.  That same Girl wears Miss Me Jeans.  Did I hear another gasp???  Before you do, let me explain.  All she had was sweat pants.  Someone gave her one pair of pants.  Is it her fault that all they own was designer jeans??  We are so quick to rush to judgement people.  We need to pray and stop being so angry.

Do people take advantage of the system?  YES!  Will it always be that way?  Probably.  But your anger isn't going to change it.  I promise.

I will share this with you, right or wrong.  I know a lady that was helped with outreach and she wanted to help pay it forward.  Before I could tell her no, she took her ebt card and bought a bag a groceries to pay it forward to someone else.  Right, wrong, or sideways, who knows, but her heart was in the right place.   So take a deep breath and lets find real problems that we can fix to get upset about.

God resists the Proud but gives Grace to the Humble!

Today is a very big day for our Hope for the City Outreach.  I asked that you ask God to keep us in his prayers and that he gives us the right words to say and do.   We will be serving 4 homeless shelters and 2 apartment complexes that are consider very low income apartments.  I am the director of this Hope for the City and this is the largest project we have taken on.  It is not about us but about God.  It is so much more than about a hot meal.  When we do these projects, the stories that come out of these events are gut wrenching and each one different.  Our prayer warriors have to be on point and strong as a Lion.  Please pray for each one.   I pray people are lead to God ,and their fire is reignited for God.  I pray their hurt and their burdens are lifted.  I pray hurt is gone the minute we pray.  I pray they feel God's love through us and know people care.  They are not the forgotten.  Please pray with me.  I pray every single one knows they matter.  No matter their past.  They are loved by God just as you and I.  I plan on handing out just as may hugs and prayers as I do free meals and free gifts today! I thank everyone that donated gifts!  What a blessing this community has been!  Also note,  on every Hope for the City,  my children come and serve right beside me.  It can be hard on them to see at times, a classmate at a shelter.  But I find it overwhelming with love to see CJ hug them and now Ben sit with them eat at the same table and treat them as though nothing is different.  As a mother, that is what I want. Be in prayer for them as they are young.

Now after all this serious talk it is Saturday and I felt like sharing a funny story to put a smile on your face!

Some of you are new to me, some of you are not.  Here is the deal.   I will share embarrassing stories of my life if it brings a smile to you in a heartbeat.  I have no shame!   In the year I have lost a significant amount of weight.  145 pounds of a whole lot of work that I have been very open about.  I have changed my entire life.  But I tell you, there are days I miss that big girl.  She kept me warm.  I am cold a lot now.  Being the sassy red head  I am, I thought I found the solution!  Off to Walmart I went!!  Let me be the first to say, I am not one that should offer marriage advice.  My husband said don't do it.  I did it anyway.  I had my mind made up!

1.  Flannel sheets
2.  Flannel Pj's
3.  Electric Throw blanket (full size was out of my budget)
4.  Warm fuzzy socks

I got all of this home and my husband said, "what are you doing???!!!  IT IS NOT EVEN WINTER!"

I answered in a sassy, not Christian like, "HA!!! I bet I ain't cold tonight!!"

Well, instead of respecting my husband and talking it out, I hurriedly put all this on and dozed off.  Ya'll.. I woke up at midnight and thought I had been swallowed up by the gates of HELL.  I was sweating from every pore my body had.  I swear  at one point thought I needed an extinguisher to put myself out.  Had to get up, shower and put on cooler clothes.  My graceful husband didn't say once I told you so.

File this under #LessonLearned

Be Part Of the Solution, Not the Problem....

Social media is quick to stir up and create problems where there really aren't any.  For example,  this week an uproar even made it's way onto CNN news over a red Starbucks cup because it didn't say Merry Christmas.  They were accused of taking Christ out of Christmas.  People, their cups never did say Merry Christmas.  What are we upset about?  So now everyone is boycotting something that they don't even know what they are boycotting.  Coffee.  We are upset over coffee.  Know what I am more worried about?   (Excuse me while I step on a few toes here).  That the majority of the people are jumping on a band wagon that  they know nothing about. How many are
 worrying about how many homeless shelters are in their town, while people are sharing posts and complaining from a couch, How about we all get off the couch and get out in out neighborhoods and find out where our homeless are?   Worried about what a coffee cup says?  Buy  the homeless a cup of coffee and write "Jesus loves you" on it.

Our world has so many real problems we have to focus on.   Are we truly loving each other as Christ loves us?  Would you offer a homeless man to come sit next to you at church?  I am taking a step further.  Would you offer a homeless man or woman, no mater what color they are to come eat with you or sit next to you at church?

Are you with the majority that believe that the shelters are full of lazy people that don't work?  Not true.  Many have jobs.  Many are mentally ill that don't have family.  Many are just down on their luck.  Go there. Talk to them.  Pray with them.  Find out their stories.  I do.  It changed my life. It is not what you think.  You will look at petty things like a Starbucks coffee cup in a whole new light.

No where in God's word does it say IF your brother and sisters look like you, THEN take care of your neighbor,  If they make the same amount of money as you, if they can repay you....it simply says to love them and care for them.

It is past time we wake up people.  I believe God sheds tears over how we treat each other.  Your brothers and sisters deserve the same respect here on this earth as they will get when the roll is called in Heaven and we are all together up there in hod Kingdom.

Trust Your Struggles

1 John 1:9 says "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

      The very moment we asked God for forgiveness it is done.  You are redeemed.  Meaning set "free".  How awesome is that?  Everything you ever did is wiped clean.  He paid that price for you.  It has been paid in full.  Does it mean you will never sin again?  Of course not!  Does it mean you will never struggle again?  Of course not!  I will tell you right now that a walk with God is hard at times.  Why?  Because Satan is constantly pulling at you, reminding you of every past mistake you ever did, reminding you that you are not good enough.  But I am here to tell you that as a child of God of you are good enough!! I am here to tell you that it doesn't matter what your past is.  

     I am here to tell you that I know what it is like to have gossipers say, "She's a Christian?? You know she used to do; blah, blah, blah???".  Let me remind you, NOTHING anyone says about you matters.  Nothing anyone that walks this earth matters.  Once you commit to Jesus Christ, he alone is the only one you answer to.  Your life has a purpose and your past isn't your NOW.  You take their power away NOW.  Because your story is yours to tell if you choose to.  I use my story to help others.  As I have said, my struggle became my testimony and if you choose to do so, yours can to.  Your story can set events into motion that can basically affect someones life for eternity by telling it.  Trust your struggle.

Again,  take the power of people away.  True power only belongs to God who gave it to you when Jesus died on that cross. Remember you are redeemed.  Stop letting unhappy and miserable people who do not know Jesus keep you from growing in His word!!  Also remember the same goes for us!  To be a Christian means to forgive others because God forgave the unforgivable in us!

Why Scrambled Eggs and Jesus?

Years ago I learned the quiet time for me as a mom was early in the morning.  Once those boys of mine got up, it was a mad house of "who done it", "stop that" and "HURRY! Get ready!" Two major things had been heavy on my heart.  My weight and my relationship with Jesus.  I was attempting yet again a low carb diet.  I started a women's bible study where they told me the obvious.   If I wanted a more intimate relationship with Jesus, I had to open my bible and learn who he was.

It was almost an embarrassment to admit to even myself that it about took a crow bar to knock the dust off my bible but I did it.  I decided for me, this was it.  I would make my time every morning and call it "Scrambled eggs and Jesus!".   I did just that.  I felt a little overwhelmed.  I needed the Lord.  I loved him and thought I knew him but just didn't grasp why I didn't have the same relationship others seemed to have and I wanted it.

Through this blog I will talk about many things.  I will talk about my journey on how I got to where I am now with Jesus Christ.  How I went from a lamb to Lion.  How I went to broken to being lead to helping the broken.  I will explain how we are weak but can become strong.  I will journal my journey through heartaches that I kept hidden from many including the closest people around me. (Feeling Lost, Broken,  Mental illness, Anxiety, to name a few....)

I am choosing to put myself out there in hopes that anything I went through God will use my trials to be my testimony.  That God will use me to help people or that I may meet others that help me grow in him even more.  We are all here to help each other.   I have said it many times, "The broken will heal the broken".

Through this blog I also will address topics that may "hit a nerve" here or there but I am not here to please everyone.  I am here to talk about what I feel the Holy Spirit leads me to talk about.  Topics like excuses people use to stay out of church.  Gossipers. (We are  ALL guilty).  How we judge what we don't take the time to get know about.  I will not be addressing any one certain person.  I don't do that.   When I pray and am lead to a topic and it feels like it is for you, it is just that, it may be for you, but it is not that I knew that,  that is up to God.

So here we go people,  Here starts my journey on what I learned on countless mornings with Scrambled Eggs and Jesus!  Please feel free to comment.  Feed back is welcome and I realize the internet is not always a positive place but know I come from a place of love and want to be uplifting as I can be.

I also have messages started on a YOUTUBE Channel and that link will be posted this week.

Feel free to contact me for prayer or if you need to talk at:

ScrambledeggsandJesus@gmail.com